My life since my last blog post has been a whirlwind. I got married, lived through a horrible marriage, experienced pregnancy on my own, while going through a divorce, and now I am a single mother with no attachments but to this little girl who is my saving grace.
As a little girl I always imagined my life would be full of great and wonderful dreams. Now I reflect on the last few years and it is far from great and wonderful. Those dreams didn't happen but died when wrong choices were made; made even with a knowledge that they were wrong.
Daily I have to think how am I going to survive and how am I going to support my little babe? I have no money because I don't have a job. I have no job because I am a full time student. I live at home with my parents, who still treat me as a child and in turn I treat them like children too. I have all these demands pulling me in all directions. Some that don't have to be in existence but are because humans are selfish. I am always sleep deprived. I have no alone time. I get cold sores when I am stressed but I don't want sympathy.
If I have learned anything in the last three years, I have learned that out of the darkness comes light. Even though life didn't go as planned I was blessed with a beautiful daughter who dotes on me. I look at her and see the beauty of life and the hope of goodness and love. I am able to survive because of those parents who still treat me as a child. If it wasn't for the sacrifices they make in mine and my daughters behalf, we would be in a world of hurt. It is because of them that I can go to school full time and can be a stay at home Mom. They are helping me with providing my daughter with a brighter future.
Even though life is hard and demanding, I step forward with the hope of something better crossing my path. Why make life harder by being pessimistic? I much rather look in the face of adversity and say up yours. You won't get the best of me. You will only make me stronger.
3 comments:
Hey lover! Through the magic of Google Reader, I was informed that you had written on new post on your blog.
Sorry to hear your crappy news and that things didn't quite work out the way you hoped. Sounds like you've at least got some good people on your side, and that you're at least able to see some of the silver lining on the clouds in your life.
Thanks lover! LOL! Its been a long time since anyone has said that to me.
I am glad that you are blogging again. I enjoyed reading your thoughts. I think that the reason mom and dad still treat you as a child is because you are still their child. They haven't learned how to transition their love from that "coddling" (not cuddling)state. I love you and thanks for sharing.
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