Reflection

It has been said that in order to live a successful life one must know what makes them uniquely them or in other words, one must know who they are. Hopefully within this reflection, I can learn who I am so that in turn I can help others learn who they are.

I am a woman and this distinction makes me a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a granddaughter. I find my role as a woman empowering and self-fulfilling. Being a mother to a daughter creates a special bond that is unbreakable and sustaining to me personally. I enjoy watching her grow and learn as I teach her as best as I can. At times I may feel like I am a failure but that is just a fleeting feeling when I look into her face and see her love for me in her eyes; then I know I am a success. Being a mother has opened my world to a whole new responsibility to life and I embrace it and love it.

I believe that I am here on Earth to learn and grow from life’s many experiences so that one day I may be perfect in my understanding of all things. I believe that God created all things upon this earth for the benefit of mans’ growth, learning, and to sustain life. I love the beauty that the Earth holds and marvel in its ability to soothe the soul. I believe in being honest in dealing with my fellow humans and in having faith in God that my needs will be provided for after doing all that I can do for myself and others.

I love to help others. I have suffered in my own life and have empathy for others who are suffering. I have a huge heart and a huge desire to help heal the World of its many plagues. That is why I want to be a Social Worker. There is no greater reward in life than to help heal, change or influence a life for the better.

I hope that others view me as compassionate, loving, loyal , trustworthy, dependable, self sufficient, eager to do a good job, assertive, easy to communicate with, and empathic. I do realize that I am stubborn and sometimes opinionated which may come across as judgmental but I do try and work towards being fair, sympathetic and forgiving.

Even though my first marriage was a complete failure, I do hope to remarry and expand my family because family is so important to me. This is where I find great joy and happiness in my life. So, I hope to find someone who fits more comfortably with me as a woman with strong morals and faith; a man who is faithful and diligent in living his life according to his belief system. I hope that he will have the capacity to be a wonderful husband to me and a loving father to my daughter. I want someone who will help strengthen me personally and help strengthen our family as we work together. I want to be able to have good communication between the two of us that ends in compromise or agreement. I hope to have a relationship that I can receive from and give to. I hope to be loved by someone who enjoys who I am and wants to celebrate life with me.

This is who I am.

A Whirlwind...

My life since my last blog post has been a whirlwind. I got married, lived through a horrible marriage, experienced pregnancy on my own, while going through a divorce, and now I am a single mother with no attachments but to this little girl who is my saving grace.
As a little girl I always imagined my life would be full of great and wonderful dreams. Now I reflect on the last few years and it is far from great and wonderful. Those dreams didn't happen but died when wrong choices were made; made even with a knowledge that they were wrong.
Daily I have to think how am I going to survive and how am I going to support my little babe? I have no money because I don't have a job. I have no job because I am a full time student. I live at home with my parents, who still treat me as a child and in turn I treat them like children too. I have all these demands pulling me in all directions. Some that don't have to be in existence but are because humans are selfish. I am always sleep deprived. I have no alone time. I get cold sores when I am stressed but I don't want sympathy.
If I have learned anything in the last three years, I have learned that out of the darkness comes light. Even though life didn't go as planned I was blessed with a beautiful daughter who dotes on me. I look at her and see the beauty of life and the hope of goodness and love. I am able to survive because of those parents who still treat me as a child. If it wasn't for the sacrifices they make in mine and my daughters behalf, we would be in a world of hurt. It is because of them that I can go to school full time and can be a stay at home Mom. They are helping me with providing my daughter with a brighter future.
Even though life is hard and demanding, I step forward with the hope of something better crossing my path. Why make life harder by being pessimistic? I much rather look in the face of adversity and say up yours. You won't get the best of me. You will only make me stronger.